Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
