I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
