Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
