Do you still have your period?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
