I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
