Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just googled if crying burns calories
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
