Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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