I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
