so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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