I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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