Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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