i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
