Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
