The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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