Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
