i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
