I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She's JV to your varsity
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
