Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
