I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
did i just pee glitter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
