They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
