If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
