That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
