HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
