I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
