apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
