i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
