2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
