Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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