The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
