So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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