I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
