oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
