Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
