I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
