quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
