I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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