can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
