I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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