Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
