Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
