I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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