worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
