last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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