are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
