so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
as a side note pls kill me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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