from now on my penis is your penis
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
