I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
