she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
