It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
