as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
