he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
