lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
