He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
