Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
