Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
