smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
